so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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