Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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