Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
