Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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