sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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