So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was born a porn star she said
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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