She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize