I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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