just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
