Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
