what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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