you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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