Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
