Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize