I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
