Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
