I am in a vortex of obligation.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
