is your mom at the bar?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize