I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
