even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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