go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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