Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
they call him Oral-B. enough said
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
