Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He felt like a one man threesome
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
