I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
