Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
