Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
