By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
