Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
