last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
