how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
