i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
