Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
