Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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