too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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