I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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