If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
