did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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