It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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