hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
