my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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