its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
