Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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