My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
