I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
