I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
