3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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