OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
