I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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