Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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