Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
