As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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