9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
