Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
