Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
