i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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