found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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