Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize