guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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