After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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