He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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