Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
