3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
