You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
