the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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